I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
