glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
