Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
