Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
