arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
