I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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