I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
