I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
