You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
