i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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