I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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