How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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