You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
