I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
