I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This baby is an asshole
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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