He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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