White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
