we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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