I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
