so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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