why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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