Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
