im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
