Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
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