i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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