I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
