ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
