I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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