I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
