The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
