I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
