I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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