Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
