Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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