Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
smell my finger.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
