3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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