Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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