I'm lost and stupid without you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
