You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
