I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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