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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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