Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Buhtt sex?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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