i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
