I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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