if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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