if you like me you must not know who I am
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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