Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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