Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
