I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
