I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
