Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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