Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
