Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
