dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can't motorboat a personality
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
